


Soulless

by AltruisticSkittles



Series: The First Illuminated [2]
Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Gen, implied suicide mention, this one's pretty tame compared to the others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:26:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltruisticSkittles/pseuds/AltruisticSkittles
Summary: He never understood love or the world’s infatuation of it. In fact, Logan was told without soulmates, no one had purpose. It was such a blatant falsehood, but he couldn’t help but wonder.What was the true meaning of being soullless?





	Soulless

**Author's Note:**

> I’m actually pretty nice to Logan for once. My boy deserves a break anyway after I put him through Hear No Evil.
> 
> Also, this chapter has A TON of other characters in the series sprinkled throughout, so have fun :D

Love is strange.

Logan would never be able to figure it out. Why did it bring false hope to people? Why did soulmarks ruin the bond that should build between two people before they fell in love? Why were they so worried about love anyway?

Of course, being born of two parents practically known for swallowing their emotions, Logan would never have any answers.

His dad, an esteemed lawyer, served some of the richest people out there. He appeared cold, calculated, and could find a loophole in .93 seconds. His Pop was a doctor, had seen his fair share of heartbreak, and learned very early on how to become apathetic to family members pounding on his chest and calling him horrible things.

They were the definition of soulless according to the average person.

Still, both of his parents always showed Logan their love, or at least they cared, to the best of their abilities. They had a game night every Friday, ate ice cream while watching movies every Sunday, and spent afternoons in the park every summer. Maybe their way of showing love wasn’t traditional, but it was all he needed.

“Here’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for!”

Logan rolled his eyes, and he continued with his homework. A smirk creeped up on his face as his brother started doing dramatic theatrics in his doorway, singing some sort of upbeat song. Subtle wasn’t in his vocabulary. Not that Logan would have it any other way. His family was dull, monotone, and predictable. No one expected anything out of the ordinary.

And then there was Emile.

His brother sat on his desk and waved a plate in his face. “Come on, Lo. Take a break and have a bite to eat. It’s got Crofters on it.”

Logan looked up to that bright smile. Emile’s eyes were a soft emerald color, his swirling soulmark a beautiful silver color on his eyes, and one of the lights in Logan’s life. He took the plate from his brother’s hand.

“Thanks,” he replied and continued his math.

Emile’s fingers caressed Logan’s wrists and asked him to look up. It annoyed him a little, but he humored him anyway.

“You work so hard. Why don’t you take a break? I know Dad and Pop are proud of you no matter what.”

“I am aware,” Logan replied, “but if I don’t get my math right, how am I ever going to become an astronaut?”

Emile laughed. “You know, most 9 year olds would be out enjoying the sun, playing outside, or you know… being a kid? You should go have some fun.”

“I am having fun,” Logan retorted. “Doesn’t figuring out problems satisfy your soul?”

“Yeah, but what’s the point if you don’t do much else?” He raised his hands up high and spoke in a dramatic voice, “Adventure is out there!”

Logan shook his head and laughed. “Yes, I’m aware. That’s why I’m working hard to get there. I’m almost there.”

Emile resisted the urge to sing to Logan’s statement and shrugged. He hopped off Logan’s desk. “Okay, well, if you change your mind, I’ll be in my room. Bored. Wasting away to nothing.”

“So childish.”

Emile put his hand over his forehead and fainted on Logan’s wall. “Childish? Me? I’m wounded. I guess you could say I am-”

“Don’t-”

“Wound-ering when you’ll have fun.”

Logan groaned and put his head on his desk. “You’re terrible.”

Emile sent that bright smile. He shut Logan’s door and whistled as he walked down the hall.

Logan couldn’t help but smile as he looked at the jellied toast beside him. He took a bite, satisfied with the buttered jelly crunch of cooled bread, and continued his work. His brother always looked out for him. So kind, so considerate.

Emile must’ve absorbed all the soul his family lacked.

He didn’t take the thought literally until three days before his 13th birthday. Logan still hadn’t gotten his soulmark. His Dad worried he would be soulless, but his Pop reminded him that some people were late bloomers, and it could take up to the age of 17 to get one’s mark.

Strangely, Logan didn’t care if he was soulless.

Don’t get him wrong. He was glad to have a circle of tactile friends. He didn’t mind being hugged, sitting close to people while they watched a movie, or holding hands with his friends. He didn’t crave physical affection, but he wasn’t opposed to it either.

Aromantic, his brother called it.

Logan accepted it. He didn’t need love. He needed science. He needed to feel weightless on the moon, surrounded by space, and able to reach up and touch the stars.

At least he did, until his Pop detected a heart murmur. He might as well have broken Logan’s heart. The dream of being the first man on Saturn shattered then and there.

Logan’s whole world took off into space without him, and what was left on Earth wasn’t anything to write to Houston about.

Logan watched his friends get soulmarks and find their true loves, close friends they couldn’t live without, and others like them. He found his circle of friends slowly dwindling. Piece by piece, they traded his company for a more promising future.

He didn’t blame them. Logan much preferred to bury himself in his books than the problems of people. Relationship drama was more Emile’s specialty than his.

Speaking of Emile, he was the only one that didn’t pity Logan for being Soulless.

“You’re totally normal,” Emile would tell him. He kept going on about how this world was so focused on love they forgot it was okay to be by yourself. Perhaps Logan was a driving force as to why Emile took classes to specialize in soulmark studies. He was determined to find Logan normal.

Logan didn’t care, but he appreciated the sentiment.

His brother always cared too much for people. He wondered if Emile’s soulmark should be on his chest instead of his eyes with the way he wore his heart on his sleeve. He constantly looked out for strangers. He’d never forget the look on his brother’s face as he assisted a kid around Logan’s age into the back of an ambulance after he fell and broke his arm. He didn’t even know the kid, but the worry, the fear for his safety, the urge to know he was going to be okay gnawed at his nails. He almost hopped in the ambulance with him, but the doctors wouldn’t let him in unless they were soulmates.

Logan swore he saw Emile’s soulmark light up, but it could’ve been a trick of the light. Emile said nothing about it.

Of course, Emile could be as perceptive as a rock when it came to his own feelings. That was something they shared.

Eventually, Logan found Emile to be his only friend. Not by choice, but by the actions of others. He didn’t miss their whispers. He didn’t miss the way they pitied him, mocked him, and said he was doomed to fail. They called him names, most deriving from his lack of soulmate, but a few took a jab at his personality. Cold, Emotionless, Robot, all common elementary school insults.

What did they know? Their opinions didn’t define him.

Still, it hurt a bit. He wasn’t completely soulless.

Logan studied hard, and was top of his class. Still, despite all his knowledge, he had no idea what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Everyone he knew had plans to settle down with their soulmate or travel the world until they found theirs. Logan could care less. He just wanted to be respected.

Eventually, Emile moved out of the house and went on to support himself and others, leaving Logan alone in his already lonely world.

That’s the only time he ever felt soulless.

Logan buried himself farther in his work and books. He hardly ever left his room. Occasionally, he’d venture online, but every time he came to a soulless support page, he’d lose most of the contacts he grew to like. People like him didn’t have much luck in this world.

Loneliness was apparently a bigger disease than being soulless.

In a way, Logan was thankful he didn’t have that pesky romantic attraction people cried about at night. It sounded horrible. He couldn’t imagine staying awake for hours, craving the touch of another person, being starved of physical affection, and never feeling complete.

Being soulless was more of a blessing in his opinion.

Logan graduated valedictorian of his class, but he still had no idea what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. His parents said they supported his late blooming ways, as they always had, but Logan could sense their frustration. He was frustrated too.

Purposeless was a heavier weight than soullessness.

He could’ve been a rocket scientist, but the ache of knowing he would never touch the stars cut deep. He didn’t need a reminder of how much he failed the only passion he had in life. He could’ve been an Astronomy teacher. He could’ve helped kids that were like him, lost, confused, searching.

Soulless.

A year of self doubt, and Logan decided he had enough pity for himself. He wanted to share his world with others. He wanted them to have a place to relax, where they could be themselves, and where they could disappear in the world.

Logan couldn’t read people well, but he knew what it felt like to suffer in silence.

Hmm… silence.

Logan looked at the small library his parents built for him. What if it was bigger? What if it held books of all shapes and sizes, ranging from fiction to nonfiction, and gave people worlds to sink away into?

What if it was a building downtown, with a coffee shop attached to it? What if there was light music, a comfortable set of couches and bean bags, and had walls filled with rows of books as far as the eye could see? What if it smelled like cinnamon? What if it was inexpensive and ran purely on the joy it brought to others?

What if it was real?

Logan signed up the next year to go into business, much to his parent’s surprise. They thought with his lack of entrepreneurship he’d fall flat on his face, but he knew they’d never say anything. They were happy he was happy.

With the help of his family, he opened a small coffee shop on the edge of town. Emile even swung by to help build it. In fact, Emile was the one who came up with the name.

The Heart and Soul Cafe.

It was perfect. Logan watched Emile put up the sign shaped like a coffee mug reading a book. He never felt prouder of himself.

Finally he had a purpose.

Business started out slow, but once word got around thanks to Emile’s shameless plug-ins for sessions over coffee, things picked up. The place always had some sort of crowd in it. Regulars started appearing and becoming friends of sorts.

Out of all of them, Logan favored a man who never took his sunglasses off and ordered the same coffee right before work. He claimed it was the only thing he wanted to walk into work 15 minutes late with. Logan never questioned it. He would sit and talk to Logan in the most teenage accent he ever heard, despite him being in his mid 20s.

Remy, he thought his name was, but he only told him once and Logan was too embarrassed to ask again this far into the friendship. Maybe when he finally brought in this Patton person he kept rambling about he’d get a name confirmation.

Oh well.

For at least two years now, his little coffee shop kept him busy. He even had someone come in and offer to bake pastries.

Thomas sure did make a good chocolate cake.

His addition brought in a new wave of people, all friendly and open and wanting to know more about Logan. They didn’t care he had no soulmark. Heck, most of them didn’t even ask. They just accepted who he was.

Thursday after the theater let out always was the busiest time. Logan didn’t mind holding his doors open an extra 30 minutes to celebrate their success. They even included him in their chatter.

For the first time in his life, he actually enjoyed being around people. He had a circle of friends to call his own. They were odd and loud and sometimes too much, but they respected him. That respect meant more to him than any soulmark he could’ve gotten.

Perhaps being soulless wasn’t as much of a curse as people thought.

**Author's Note:**

> For more on the Illuminated universe, check out my Tumblr @altruistic-skittles


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